Chapter One


Of course I have secrets.

Of course I do. Everyone has a few secrets. It's completely normal.

I'm not talking about big, earth-shattering secrets. Not the-president-is planning-to-bomb-Japan-and-only-Will-Smith- can-save-the-world type secrets. Just normal, everyday little secrets.

Like, for example, here are a few random secrets of mine, off the top of my head:

 1.My Kate Spade bag is a fake.

 2.I love sweet sherry, the least cool drink in the universe.

 3.I have no idea what NATO stands for. Or even exactly what it is.

 4.I weigh 128 pounds. Not 118, like my boyfriend, Connor, thinks. (Although, in my defense, I was planning to go on a diet when I told him that. And, to be fair, it is only one number different.)

 5.I've always thought Connor looks a bit like Ken. As in Barbie and Ken.

 6.Sometimes, when we're right in the middle of passionate sex, I suddenly want to laugh.

 7.I lost my virginity in the spare bedroom with Danny Nussbaum while Mum and Dad were downstairs watching Ben-Hur.

 8.I've already drunk the wine that Dad told me to save for twenty years.

 9.Sammy the goldfish at home isn't the same goldfish that Mum and Dad gave me to look after when they went to Egypt.

10.When my colleague Artemis really annoys me, I feed her plant orange juice. (Which is pretty much every day.)

11.I once had this weird lesbian dream about my flatmate Lissy.

12.My G-string is hurting me.

13.I've always had this deep-down conviction that I'm not like everybody else, and there's an amazingly exciting new life waiting for me just around the corner.

14.I have no idea what this guy in the gray suit is going on about.

15.Plus, I've already forgotten his name.

And I only met him ten minutes ago.

"We believe in multi-logistical formative alliances," he's saying in a nasal, droning voice, "both above and below the line."

"Absolutely!" I reply brightly, as though to say "Doesn't everybody?"

Multi-logistical. What does that mean, again?

Oh, God. What if they ask me?

Don't be stupid, Emma. They won't suddenly demand, What does "multi-logistical" mean? I'm a fellow marketing professional, aren't I? Obviously I know these things.

And anyway, if they mention it again, I'll change the subject. Or I'll say I'm post-logistical or something.

The important thing is to keep confident and businesslike. I can do this. This is my big chance, and I'm not going to screw it up.

I'm sitting in the offices of Glen Oil's headquarters in Glasgow, and as I glance at my reflection in the window, I look just like a top businesswoman. My shoulder-length hair is straightened, after half an hour with the hair dryer and a bottle of serum this morning. I'm wearing discreet gold swirl earrings like they tell you to in how-to-win-that-job articles. And I've got on my smart new Jigsaw suit. (At least, it's practically new. I got it from the Cancer Research shop and sewed on a button to replace the missing one, and you can hardly tell.)

I'm here representing the Panther Corporation, which is where I work. The meeting is to finalize a promotional arrangement between the new cranberry-flavored Panther Prime sports drink and Glen Oil, and I flew up this morning from London, especially.

When I arrived, the two Glen Oil marketing guys started on this long, show-offy "who's traveled the most?" conversation about air miles and the red-eye to Washington--and I think I bluffed pretty convincingly. But the truth is, this is the first time I've ever had to travel...

 

"Backstabbing office shenanigans, competition, scandal, love and sex.... Kinsella's down-to-earth protagonist is sure to have readers sympathizing and doubled over in laughter."

 

"Kinsella's timing is so perfect, her instincts so spot-on ... delightful."

 

Can You Keep a Secret? by Sophie Kinsella
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